I left my brain on the floor next to my panties...

I've been officially single since December... and it took a while for me to feel comfortable enough to be physically vulnerable with anybody else... I tried about a month after my break up, but I felt bad and like crying during before, during, and after because that part of me was very much still connected to my ex. Its not that the person I was with wasn't someone I wasn't familiar with, he was a part of my past, and always gracious and generous, but I just remember clenching up everything and hoping and wishing he would go home so fast...

Months later... spring has arrived, my joy is back and my body and mind belong solely to me and I'm ready to try again. For the past month or so I've been spending time with a new friend. When I first met him all I saw was the pretty chocolate eyes surrounded by thick curly eyelashes and how cute his round face was with cute dimples... and I was instantly attracted to him. I sat with him in the corner, chopping it up, and finally relinquished my number in exchange for his... and it's been physical kismet ever since.

I wasn't sure why, but a few weeks later, seeing him out I just whispered in his ear "I want to come home with you." and it was a wrap. In short... in the morning I wanted him to be my baby's mama.

I'm curious how to know how he fount out how to make me pull out my own hair? He just makes me feel like making him a sammich. (see bread, turkey, miracle whip, cheese, lettuce and some potato chips if you were confused) How did he know that I like to giggle, even during these moments with him, where he's got me caught in laughter and in bliss, and yet my brain is seeping out of my ear's at the same time. This weekend it was funny voices yelling at me, commanding me, and guiding me, as I was man handled.

Speaking of this weekend, this weekend he turned my brains into jello... I was on the floor shaking not wanting to be touched because it was too intense. My brain literally oozed out of my ears onto the floor and laid in a puddle. And in the morning... I couldn't even coerce my brains to get back into the ear they fell out of. Before the weekend was out I requested another dose, and just kept thinking I want to buy him a short set...(see Beyonce's "Suga Mama") Again, another morning where I found that my brains had not made it home with me.

It's not just the physical... it's the little buddy ship that's budding, we laugh a lot, and he lets me come up with the silliest ideas and he goes for them. We've started this dick for a day project, and basically I've created a list of things I would do if I had a dick for day, since we all know that is not possible... he will do the things on my list. Thus far my list includes; slapping a girl on the face with it, slapping it against my thighs, busting a nut in a frying pan, ringing a door bell with it, using it to locate countries on a map, and using it as a pointer in a power point presentation. And he was game for all of them.

And the really interesting part is he didn't even hesitate, and he mostly just chuckled, and co-signed... I've met my match.

Thoughts on online dating...

There is still some sort of stigma or taboo associated with online dating. Most people still think of sleazy perverts looking for sex are the only people who try to meet people online. But an emerging trend is that people are fostering and maintaining healthy relationships with people they have met online, and some of those relationships are even leading towards successful marriages. I myself have read about successful relationships online, but I don't know anyone personally who has had a relationship go from their yahoo messenger to the alter. I've met a few guys online, had drinks with a few, maybe even dinner, but I haven't found love. But I'm not closed off from it either, if I met my prince charming online... I would be okay with it. It's no different then meeting him in a bar, in a Barnes and Noble, or out in the park.
So maybe the taboo comes from how much deception a person could poor into their online persona. When you're just a person on the other side of the messenger, you can be whoever you want to be. The 40 year old balding married man, can post his picture from when he was a hot college basketball stud 20 years ago, and the recipient could be none the wiser. I've read lots of horror stories about young women being deceived into loving an individual who doesn't really even exist. That could be where the stigma comes from.
On the flip side of that coin, I figure I'm a well adjusted individual, who is somewhat attractive (feel free to correct me and tell me I'm gorgeous), smart, educated well, sweet, caring, fun, and not criminally insane, and I've pondered and lurked to see whats out there in the world of online dating, so couldn't the people I'm looking at be the same.

The State of My Union

Today, I plan on having a moment, a girl moment if you will. I am in love, like deeply madly in love, and I'm just prayerful that it is not ruining my life.

We've been together for three years, off and on, and its been a long, rocky, bumpy road. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't love almost every bit of it. We've lied to each other, cheated on each other, and I really just wanted to know from other people was that normal. Do epic couples like (Ruby Dee and the late Ossie Davis, Denzel and Pauletta, and Bill Camille) go through periods of "young and dumb"?

I remember reading an article once about Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis about when they attempted at having an open marriage. What they learned that it can turn out poorly for everybody involved including the people they attempted to have relationships outside of their marriage.

I made this list, the list they say make about your significant other, and our good usually out weighs the bad. I say usually because when things get down in the dumps for us, they usually get really bad.

The last major test of our relationship (see possible infidelity) I was outwardly over it within hours of everything coming to light. But inwardly I was shook, shook to the core, and yet I was still overwhelmingly in love with him even though there was the possibility of infidelity.

The thing is, I'm in love with him, and I saw my whole life with him, and even though I was shook, am I supposed to give all of it up over a possible mistake. Now granted, there was most certainly some wrong doing involved, but there was no follow through (i.e; the pass was incomplete, and not even made) but the idea is the plans should not have been made. I was hurt, stark raving mad, and ready to go for blood, but I still was and madly in love with him.

Here is this man, that cooks for me, will help me clean if ask him to, he watches my back, will buy the groceries and cook the dinner, will wash my car, fix my car, rub my back, rub my sinuses clear, and he knows how to really ring my bell. He takes care of my emotional and physical needs, and a lot of times I always feel I'm coming up short on my end of the bargain.

I love him, and I want to stay with him, regardless of the fact that I can't say whether or not he was where he said he was. All I want from him he gives me most of it... I have my 80/20 (see 80% is right, and 20% is wrong), my 20% just happens to be questionable fidelity. I just don't want to be cheated on, and I don't want to cheat.