The State of My Union

Today, I plan on having a moment, a girl moment if you will. I am in love, like deeply madly in love, and I'm just prayerful that it is not ruining my life.

We've been together for three years, off and on, and its been a long, rocky, bumpy road. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't love almost every bit of it. We've lied to each other, cheated on each other, and I really just wanted to know from other people was that normal. Do epic couples like (Ruby Dee and the late Ossie Davis, Denzel and Pauletta, and Bill Camille) go through periods of "young and dumb"?

I remember reading an article once about Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis about when they attempted at having an open marriage. What they learned that it can turn out poorly for everybody involved including the people they attempted to have relationships outside of their marriage.

I made this list, the list they say make about your significant other, and our good usually out weighs the bad. I say usually because when things get down in the dumps for us, they usually get really bad.

The last major test of our relationship (see possible infidelity) I was outwardly over it within hours of everything coming to light. But inwardly I was shook, shook to the core, and yet I was still overwhelmingly in love with him even though there was the possibility of infidelity.

The thing is, I'm in love with him, and I saw my whole life with him, and even though I was shook, am I supposed to give all of it up over a possible mistake. Now granted, there was most certainly some wrong doing involved, but there was no follow through (i.e; the pass was incomplete, and not even made) but the idea is the plans should not have been made. I was hurt, stark raving mad, and ready to go for blood, but I still was and madly in love with him.

Here is this man, that cooks for me, will help me clean if ask him to, he watches my back, will buy the groceries and cook the dinner, will wash my car, fix my car, rub my back, rub my sinuses clear, and he knows how to really ring my bell. He takes care of my emotional and physical needs, and a lot of times I always feel I'm coming up short on my end of the bargain.

I love him, and I want to stay with him, regardless of the fact that I can't say whether or not he was where he said he was. All I want from him he gives me most of it... I have my 80/20 (see 80% is right, and 20% is wrong), my 20% just happens to be questionable fidelity. I just don't want to be cheated on, and I don't want to cheat.