I need to get some...

Right now, all I can think of is getting laid, getting dicked down, getting my back twisted out. Sweating, throbbing, Filthy McNasty, earth shattering fucking. I currently have a healthy appetite for that right now if nothing else. (I damn sure ain't hungry at the moment) As they say, the more you get it, the more you want it. And I'm not getting it super often, but the rare occasions that I am getting my back twisted out, it just leaves me wanting more. I see every situation outside of my house feeling fully aroused and titillated.
The only thing I really miss about being involved with a full-time man, was the full time dick. I love having a man pretend he doesn't want it, him letting me restrain him, and take what I want, what is mine. And what is mine; is my orgasm.
For instance, being commanded to take what I want, or just allowed to wrap my hands around his neck and rock my way to a juicy climax, or rock him until he whispers he's about to cum, and then I climb down to make sure all he could reach was the edge, but I wouldn't let him fall over. Explaining to him that my nipples are like faucets and if you flick them enough with your tongue, she (the part of me that is really running things) will really ooze, so when I'm on top driving this man, he should be turning my faucets on.
My weakness, is being fucked. My weakness is being dominated, being screwed from behind, having two hand fulls of hair wrapped around his wrists and being handled like I'm in trouble, or like he's angry. Being able to feel every inch, being able to feel it from tip to balls.
And the quickest way to make me cum, is for the man to be fucking me reaching for his nut. I can hear it in his breathing, I can feel it in his stroke, he's going to bust. And the wilderness of his stroke, I can feel his aggression, I can feel the buildup, and that release its so violent that it's borderline evil. I can feel cold sweat dripping on my back, and then we collapse.
Again... I need to get laid.

"Ain't nobody knocked you up yet as fine as you are!?"

So... I really am sucking at this blogging thing. I'm just not motivated to be complex, or deep in thought. But I do want to talk about boys (eternally 15)

I love men, I love socializing with men, I love being around men, I love smelling men, cooking for men, and my favorite of all... TOUCHING MEN!!! I had the pleasure of accompanying a friend from way back (back in the day when I was young I'm not a kid anymore, but sometimes I wish that I was a kid again) on an evening out on the town this weekend; a man friend. Had a good time, and wondered how had I managed to loose touch with someone I really enjoyed hanging with. (Oh yeah, I was busy chasing ass...not my proudest moments) I was having this conversation with him, explaining to him that I prefer right now to keep everything simple, even my brain. I cannot endure anymore drama or stress, so I've simplified my friends, the men in my world, and even my brain. Hope I didn't sound as shallow as I felt... probably did.

But my interaction with men lately can be summed up very brief and succinct... on my back, or maybe even on all fours... but that's a different blog....or maybe it's in this one.
My maintenance man, hadn't seen him in over a month (don't travel that often anymore) during a recent visit, I discovered I may have caught a little bit of feelings for the ding-a-ling. (Money DOESN'T make me cum, dick does) I found myself feeling more apprehensive about being myself, nervous, talking way too much, and not sure if my breath smells good early in the morning. Simply laying next to him, sitting across from him, or simply walking in his door, made me break in a nervous sweat. Not a good sign when you're describing evenings with your booty buddy. (not my booty call, we plans in advance, sometimes weeks in advance) I feel like I could tell him, open up to him, express to him that I don't want to lose touch (oh yeah... moving to Houston!)

Another interesting observation... What is up with men thinking the ultimate compliment is to express the want to knock me up! I'm sorry... how is that okay? For me the ultimate compliment is something akin to "you look amazing today" or maybe even "I'd like to take you to dinner" or "You have a beautiful smile." But somehow offering me unwed-motherhood is not really complimentary... just saying.

Don't tell anybody but...

I think I may have lost interest in the ding-a-ling... I'm really scared that if I let somebody get it in that it will suck, and I don't want any more sucky (see bad, garbage, lame) partners. For men, I hear that good pussy is an experience, that a woman's enthusiasm can make up for mediocre skill... not so much for me or other women I think.
Come to think of it, I've lost my interest and zest for lots of other things. I used to blog constantly, I used to make social appointments with friends, and I used to cook new dishes. Now, not so much.
I'm not sure if not wanting to invite somebody to my sex room (see Ludacris and Trey Songz) has to do with I'd prefer to be fucking someone I have feelings for, or if I really just don't want to have any more bad sex. I had become accustomed to having my back twisted out by former fiance (now shit eating loser; can't leave that part out) and anything less I needed that to miss me. That isn't to say I haven't had my back twisted out since the break up (I used to use words like schism) because I have, even one time by somebody's husband (no I'm not a swinger, I didn't know he was married until his wife called me the next morning to tell me he was married). I also have what the old ladies call a maintenance man... he makes me believe there is hope. He makes me want to fix him breakfast (grits, eggs, bacon, toast...and I'll squeeze this ninja some O.J.).
But le...sigh; I don't see him being my wifey, and I am okay with that (besides, I found out his last name by reading a tattoo on his back) so maybe we aren't meant to be, but he's fun for right now.
You want to know what else I'm tired of... dudes throwing the dick at me who have no skills, no game or any type of swagger that makes me want to do anything more than walk away. And lately... I've been way too generous with my affections and times on some of these dudes who really do suck. And that's not to say I'm looking for some man whore, I'm just saying farting while we are cuddling is not okay... and it is not foreplay Sir!

I left my brain on the floor next to my panties...

I've been officially single since December... and it took a while for me to feel comfortable enough to be physically vulnerable with anybody else... I tried about a month after my break up, but I felt bad and like crying during before, during, and after because that part of me was very much still connected to my ex. Its not that the person I was with wasn't someone I wasn't familiar with, he was a part of my past, and always gracious and generous, but I just remember clenching up everything and hoping and wishing he would go home so fast...

Months later... spring has arrived, my joy is back and my body and mind belong solely to me and I'm ready to try again. For the past month or so I've been spending time with a new friend. When I first met him all I saw was the pretty chocolate eyes surrounded by thick curly eyelashes and how cute his round face was with cute dimples... and I was instantly attracted to him. I sat with him in the corner, chopping it up, and finally relinquished my number in exchange for his... and it's been physical kismet ever since.

I wasn't sure why, but a few weeks later, seeing him out I just whispered in his ear "I want to come home with you." and it was a wrap. In short... in the morning I wanted him to be my baby's mama.

I'm curious how to know how he fount out how to make me pull out my own hair? He just makes me feel like making him a sammich. (see bread, turkey, miracle whip, cheese, lettuce and some potato chips if you were confused) How did he know that I like to giggle, even during these moments with him, where he's got me caught in laughter and in bliss, and yet my brain is seeping out of my ear's at the same time. This weekend it was funny voices yelling at me, commanding me, and guiding me, as I was man handled.

Speaking of this weekend, this weekend he turned my brains into jello... I was on the floor shaking not wanting to be touched because it was too intense. My brain literally oozed out of my ears onto the floor and laid in a puddle. And in the morning... I couldn't even coerce my brains to get back into the ear they fell out of. Before the weekend was out I requested another dose, and just kept thinking I want to buy him a short set...(see Beyonce's "Suga Mama") Again, another morning where I found that my brains had not made it home with me.

It's not just the physical... it's the little buddy ship that's budding, we laugh a lot, and he lets me come up with the silliest ideas and he goes for them. We've started this dick for a day project, and basically I've created a list of things I would do if I had a dick for day, since we all know that is not possible... he will do the things on my list. Thus far my list includes; slapping a girl on the face with it, slapping it against my thighs, busting a nut in a frying pan, ringing a door bell with it, using it to locate countries on a map, and using it as a pointer in a power point presentation. And he was game for all of them.

And the really interesting part is he didn't even hesitate, and he mostly just chuckled, and co-signed... I've met my match.

Thoughts on online dating...

There is still some sort of stigma or taboo associated with online dating. Most people still think of sleazy perverts looking for sex are the only people who try to meet people online. But an emerging trend is that people are fostering and maintaining healthy relationships with people they have met online, and some of those relationships are even leading towards successful marriages. I myself have read about successful relationships online, but I don't know anyone personally who has had a relationship go from their yahoo messenger to the alter. I've met a few guys online, had drinks with a few, maybe even dinner, but I haven't found love. But I'm not closed off from it either, if I met my prince charming online... I would be okay with it. It's no different then meeting him in a bar, in a Barnes and Noble, or out in the park.
So maybe the taboo comes from how much deception a person could poor into their online persona. When you're just a person on the other side of the messenger, you can be whoever you want to be. The 40 year old balding married man, can post his picture from when he was a hot college basketball stud 20 years ago, and the recipient could be none the wiser. I've read lots of horror stories about young women being deceived into loving an individual who doesn't really even exist. That could be where the stigma comes from.
On the flip side of that coin, I figure I'm a well adjusted individual, who is somewhat attractive (feel free to correct me and tell me I'm gorgeous), smart, educated well, sweet, caring, fun, and not criminally insane, and I've pondered and lurked to see whats out there in the world of online dating, so couldn't the people I'm looking at be the same.

Penis Envy

Is it crazy for me to sometimes wish I had a penis...or to be a man for a day? Why does it feel like all men are part of some secret society and privy-ed to like a completely different set of rules? I feel like there is something I'm missing out on... I keep trying to become part of this boys club, and I need to know is it a fruitless endeavor? Is anybody ever going to give me the pass code? I've always wanted to know what its like to always get to cum? To always get to wear your aggression? And to never have anyone question your authority because you're a man?

Is just me who feels like they have special privileges, a special set of morals?

The State of My Union

Today, I plan on having a moment, a girl moment if you will. I am in love, like deeply madly in love, and I'm just prayerful that it is not ruining my life.

We've been together for three years, off and on, and its been a long, rocky, bumpy road. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't love almost every bit of it. We've lied to each other, cheated on each other, and I really just wanted to know from other people was that normal. Do epic couples like (Ruby Dee and the late Ossie Davis, Denzel and Pauletta, and Bill Camille) go through periods of "young and dumb"?

I remember reading an article once about Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis about when they attempted at having an open marriage. What they learned that it can turn out poorly for everybody involved including the people they attempted to have relationships outside of their marriage.

I made this list, the list they say make about your significant other, and our good usually out weighs the bad. I say usually because when things get down in the dumps for us, they usually get really bad.

The last major test of our relationship (see possible infidelity) I was outwardly over it within hours of everything coming to light. But inwardly I was shook, shook to the core, and yet I was still overwhelmingly in love with him even though there was the possibility of infidelity.

The thing is, I'm in love with him, and I saw my whole life with him, and even though I was shook, am I supposed to give all of it up over a possible mistake. Now granted, there was most certainly some wrong doing involved, but there was no follow through (i.e; the pass was incomplete, and not even made) but the idea is the plans should not have been made. I was hurt, stark raving mad, and ready to go for blood, but I still was and madly in love with him.

Here is this man, that cooks for me, will help me clean if ask him to, he watches my back, will buy the groceries and cook the dinner, will wash my car, fix my car, rub my back, rub my sinuses clear, and he knows how to really ring my bell. He takes care of my emotional and physical needs, and a lot of times I always feel I'm coming up short on my end of the bargain.

I love him, and I want to stay with him, regardless of the fact that I can't say whether or not he was where he said he was. All I want from him he gives me most of it... I have my 80/20 (see 80% is right, and 20% is wrong), my 20% just happens to be questionable fidelity. I just don't want to be cheated on, and I don't want to cheat.